just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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