that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
