And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
