apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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