Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
please don't ironically join a cult
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