I hate all girls vehemently.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
