Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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