I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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