hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
