...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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