that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
