Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
