Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
