Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
