i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
