fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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