dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
