I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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