i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
