What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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