I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
