Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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