he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
