Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
