i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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