Christians are straight up FREAKS
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she told me i tasted like america
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
