I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
