You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
