oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
