No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
