she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
