i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
