I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
