I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
