I wish I could punch you in the face.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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