Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
