i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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