I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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