I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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