On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What a dumb baby whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
