Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
