You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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