Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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