I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
