it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
