Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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