I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
