the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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