you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
