someone get that fucking seahorse.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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