Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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