He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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