I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
