i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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