Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
