dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
