The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
