you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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