I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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