Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
