considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
