Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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