i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your penis caused this!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
