my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
birth control should be required to get into college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
