I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
