I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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