hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
