If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
