So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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