Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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