I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
