I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
