Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
