Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
