I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
