I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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