I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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