Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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