There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
